went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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