ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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