good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
