there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
