its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize