i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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