I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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