my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
