he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Barsexuality is the new black.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
