Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
