When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
