I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
