woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
