FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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