Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When are your genitals available?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
