We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
