i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
