i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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