I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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