Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
