Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
