wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
