She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize