At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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