ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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