there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
