I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
