i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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