I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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