thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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