please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
