I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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