it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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