New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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