Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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