sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I could fuck to npr.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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