he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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