I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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