u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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