i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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