what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
