so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
