I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
