I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
