the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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