If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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