can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
