Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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