I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
