Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
