Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
