ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
