I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
