Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
