do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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