Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
