god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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