I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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