You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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