How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
