apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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