Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
