New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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