Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
