Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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