If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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