im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to make a zoo with you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
