Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
