You can't motorboat a personality
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
